Tuesday, January 23, 2007

When I Let Them Down...

Yesterday I dragged myself back to the pool. I felt like a floundering fish. I swam 800 m and it took way too long. It wasn’t a waste, though, because it’s about more than duration or speed. I had an epiphany during my flip turn. Actually I watched the guy next to me, wondering how he got off the wall so much more quickly than me. He was doing everything more quickly, but I couldn’t figure out the flip turns. So I realized I was doing a complete somersault, twisting, bending, my knees, and then pushing off. What a waste compared to his flip turns – half turn, push off sideways and he’s done, finishing his rotation after push-off. BIG difference. I picked it up quickly and then there was just the actual swimming that was slow. The athletic training going well.

The home responsibilities not going so well. What do I do when I let them down? My wife says she has 4 kids, me being one of them. I usually argue vehemently, but today, I had to agree. I couldn’t even be defensive like I usually am. She had made the kids’ lunches for school, but my job was to make the sandwiches before leaving for work. That was it! Just make sandwiches. What 30-something father can’t do that?! Well, guess what – I forgot. I took way too long getting ready this morning, and didn’t get it done. I was so self-absorbed in my own universe that I let them down. I let my wife down, because she feels she can’t trust me with simple things and all the arguing I do can’t prove her wrong. I let my kids down because I’m not helping care for them, although luckily, they don’t know that. I do need to step it up before they can figure it out, though.

Why am I so self-absorbed? Because I obsess about things. I do. I’ve been obsessing about this new gluten free diet and researching everything I can on the internet. Can I eat this? Can I eat that? It’s too much. There’s too much information out there on every subject. I need to learn how to filter and prioritize. That’s something I really need to work on. So for now, less researching, less worrying about me. I mean it. I need to stop feeling sorry for myself, beating myself up about not doing what I need to do for the family, and just do it.

It’s all about balance, it’s all about crosstraining…

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